Part two of my series on masculinity, the first essay can be read here. Version française de mon deuxième essai sur la masculinité en bas de la page.
2. Misunderstanding feminism
There was a shift where being called a feminist became an insult. By that I mean, men thought calling women feminists is insulting, the equivalent of a spitting “slut” or whatever they think women would be offended by, it’s really not the insult they think it is. First, it shows they are clueless to the meaning of feminism and what feminists stand for, second they believe that feminist equals men hater. Of course, it’s not all men and it’s even some women.
Feminism, the sworn enemy of the manosphere and those clinging to the good old days, the scapegoat of men's hardships. The misunderstanding is at the root of a deeper crisis.
Numbers speak for themselves. An IPSOS poll on gender equality and the perception of feminism in 31 countries, shows that 60% of Gen Z males believe gender equality discriminates against men. Similarly, young men are less progressive than their older counterparts, or than women the same age. The same poll shows that 52% of people think men are asked to do too much to support gender equality.
When polled on the impact of feminism, Britons aged 16 to 29 are more divided than older generations. 46% of women see feminism as favourable for society, compared to 36% of men, on the other hand, 9% of women and 16% of men say feminism has done more harm than good. Overall in the UK, men (17%) are around twice as likely as women (8%) to say efforts to support women’s equality have gone too far, but to be optimistic, around 36.5% of men also think there has not been enough efforts to provide gender equality.
There is a crisis and men are having a hard time, but the idea that it is caused by women is ludicrous. It stems from the false belief that we live in a zero-sum society and the wins of women mean a loss for men, which makes sense as capitalism, as a system rooted in patriarchy, pushes for individualism and everyone is having a shit time. It is also undeniable that gender equality discourse is oriented towards women and girls, no question there, but as they are making slim progress, society has…hmm, collapsed and younger generations are struggling to reach crucial milestones. So as men struggle and are not having the lives they were promised, the perfect scapegoat is all decided for them: it is feminism's fault if women are doing seemingly better than them.
But blaming feminism is not the solution, moving backwards is not the way to solve society’s problems.
A 2022 report on the state of UK boys shows that feminism is actually part of the solution to improve boys’ lives. Challenging the negative aspects of masculinity and misogyny with positive role models and having women as allies, helps improve boys’ mental health and educational attainment. If we started to teach young men about feminism by emphasizing the benefits for all rather than the benefit for women only, we may make more progress and thrive as a society (defeat capitalism).
The current gap between men and women is increasing and the implications are dreadful, the more we see each other as opponents, drifting apart, the less likely we are to create a bridge. OK, it’s getting too philosophical, time to wrap it up.
Feminism strives for equality, it does not favour women over men, as opposed to a patriarchy of domination, oppressing the other and not only women. The pushback comes from a misunderstanding: patriarchy stands for men and feminism is against them. What will improve boys’ and men's lives, as well as women’s, is the undoing of patriarchal culture.
Le féminisme en ennemi
Plus d’une fois on m’a craché le mot féministe en insulte, comme une attaque. A la façon d’un salope, ou quelconques injures, que certains hommes pensent être blessantes pour une femme, comme si je n’allais pas utiliser leur crachat pour redorer mon blason. Cela montre qu’ils n’ont aucune idée du sens du mot et encore moins des luttes féministes, mais aussi qu’a leurs yeux, feminisme est egal a haine des hommes. Evidemment, ce ne sont pas tous les hommes et c’est même quelques femmes.
Le féminisme, ennemi juré de ceux qui s’accroche aux good old days, le bouc-émissaire de tous les maux qui frappent les hommes. Ce malentendu est a la source d’une crise bien plus profonde.
Les chiffres parlent d’eux-mêmes. Un sondage IPSOS sur l’égalité des genres dans 31 pays montre que 60% d’homme de la génération Z pensent que l’égalité des genres discrimine les hommes. Similairement, les jeunes hommes sont moins progressistes que leurs ainés, ou les femmes du même âge. 52% de la population sondée trouvent qu’on en demande trop des hommes dans le soutien à l’égalité des genres.
Sondés sur l’impact du féminisme, les Britanniques âgés entre 16 et 29 ans sont plus divisé que les anciennes générations. 46% des femmes voit le féminisme comme favorable pour la société, comparé à 36% des hommes, plus inquiétant : 9% des femmes et 16% (!!!) des hommes disent que le féminisme a fait plus de mal que de bien. De façon générale au Royaume-Uni, les hommes (17%) sont deux fois nombreux que les femmes (8%) à trouver que les efforts pour soutenir l’égalité des femmes sont aller trop loin. Pour finir sur une note positive, environ 36% des hommes pensent qu’il n’y a pas eu assez d’effort pour arriver à l’égalité homme-femme.
Il y a une crise et les hommes prennent cher mais l’idée que c’est la faute des femmes est ridicule. Cela vient de la croyance erronée que l’on vit dans une société à somme zéro et donc ce que les femmes gagnent est à la perte des hommes, évidemment le capitalisme, un système qui a ses racines dans le patriarcat, pousse à l’individualisme et tout le monde en prend plein la gueule. Indéniablement, le discours sur l’égalité est orienté vers les femmes, RàS par-là, tandis qu’elles font de maigres progrès, la société est hmm… à la ramasse et ce sont les jeunes qui en bavent le plus, n’arrivant pas à atteindre des étapes cruciales de la vie adulte. Alors que les hommes bataillent en vain pour leur vie promise, le bouc-émissaire parfait leur est servi sur un plateau d’argent : c’est la faute du féminisme si les femmes ont l’air de mieux s’en sortir.
Mais remettre la faute sur le féminisme n’est pas la solution, tout comme faire marche arrière sur les progrès gagnés ne va pas résoudre les problèmes sociétaux.
Une étude de 2022 sur l’état des garçons au R-U, montre que le féminisme fait partie de la solution pour améliorer leurs vies. Défier les aspects négatifs de la masculinité et la misogynie avec des modèles positifs et en alliance avec les femmes, aide à améliorer la santé mentale et le niveau d’instruction des garçons. Si l’on éduquait les jeunes hommes à propos du féminisme en insistant sur les bénéfices communs, au lieu de les orienter vers les filles, nous pourrions faire plus de progrès et prospérer en tant que société (et vaincre le capitalisme).
L’écart actuel entre hommes et femmes ne fait que s’agrandir et les implications sont épouvantables. Plus on se voit en ennemis, s’éloignant l’un de l’autre, moins l’on créer de ponts de communication pour se comprendre. Trop philosophique, ça sonnait mieux dans ma tête.
Le féminisme vise l’égalité, il ne favorise pas les femmes par rapport aux hommes, il s’oppose à une patriarchie de domination, oppressant tout le monde (y compris les hommes) à la faveur d’une poignée d’élus. L’opposition au féminisme vient d’un malentendu : le patriarcat est pour les hommes alors que le féminisme est contre eux. Ce qui améliora la vie des garçons et des hommes, aussi bien que celle des femmes, c’est le démantèlement de la culture patriarcale.
Sources
Nearly 1 in 2 Britons (47%) say women’s equality has gone far enough, IPSOS, published on 04 March 2024
Masculinity and women’s equality: study finds emerging gender divide in young people’s attitudes, IPSOS with King’s College London’s Policy Institute and Global Institute for Women’s Leadership, published 01 February 2024
The State of UK Boys: Understanding and Transforming Gender in the Lives of UK Boys, a report for the Global Boyhood Initiative, published in December 2022
Gen Z boys and men more likely than baby boomers to believe feminism harmful, says poll, Robert Booth for The Guardian, 01 February 2024.
There is no ‘war on men’ – we now know feminism is good for boys, by Laura Bates for The Guardian, published 08 November 2022
‘Andrew Tate is a symptom, not the problem’: why young men are turning against feminism, by Heather Stewart for The Guardian, published 03 February 2024
The war within gen Z, by Daniel Cox for Business Insider, published 23 January 2024
A History of Masculinity, Ivan Jablonka (trad. by Nathan Bracher). Penguin Random House, 2023.
"There was a shift where being called a feminist became an insult."
A feminist is someone who claims men have chosen to systematically oppress women. This kind of oppression is like no other form of oppression, given that men live alongside women, are raised by women, have intimate relationships and co-dependent partnerships with women, and make children with women.
For men to hate their mothers, sisters, wives and daughters to the point of systematically oppressing them makes men complete psychopaths. Only psychopaths are capable of the systematic oppression of those they live with.
In the real world men are hard wired to have strong protective urges towards women, and even to sacrifice their own comfort, safety and even their lives to protect and provide for women. So to accuse men of oppressing women is to hit them where it most hurts. Therefore to be a feminist is to not just insult men but to torture them.
The accusation of systematic oppression of women (patriarchy theory) provokes many men to pretty much do and say anything to clear their names, redeem themselves and prove that they do not hate women at all (and in fact cherish and adore women, as most men do). Therefore to be a feminist is to not just insult men and to torture them, but also to callously and expertly manipulate them too. The answer to 'patriarchy theory' is for men to self sacrifice for women (he for she) - which is already hard wired into men anyway. Thus feminism / patriarchy theory is just exploiting (weaponising) a hard wired male - female dynamic which already exists.
I think this is why identifying as a feminist is regarded as a massive red flag among free thinking, self aware men (and women). One cannot adhere to feminist ideology (an oppressor/ oppressed dynamic) and have a functional, healthy, productive relationship with a man - or with men generally. Feminism defines men as the enemy of women, after all!
The men who accept and applaud feminist ideology and try to appease feminists tend to be damaged themselves, often at the hands of women. Given that feminism is - in essence - a male power fantasy (feminism defines men as all powerful oppressors with full agency and women as helpless powerless victims with no agency) any male who embraces the feminist narrative is asserting dominance over women, by definition..... while equally dropping to his knees and begging for forgiveness and social approval. This is really messed up.
This is why a feminist identity is often regarded as a red flag in both sexes. Healthy relationships are based on equal power, trust and mutual responsibility - which is the exact opposite of the dynamic promoted by feminist ideology.