I have found myself in a loop of starting and never finishing articles (8 so far) for the last few weeks. The fact that I posted something every Tuesday is nothing short of a miracle, to be honest. Shame has come upon me as the only place I can find inspiration and motivation and finish anything lately is the local Wetherspoons. Not even the posh one. No, it’s the one in the dodgy part of town, full of youth and weird people. At least the pizzas are good, I guess that’s a thing. Fun fact: it has the same name as the Spoon we used to go to in Cambridge, and they both are old cinemas. Except the one in Cambridge is decent and the one in Gloucester has a fake King Kong.
That being said, I always find consistency in procrastination and starting things without finishing them. Imagine my surprise when I noticed I hadn’t yet written something called “On procrastinating”. Well, it is time and I can already tell you, this will be a wild ride because I just picked a few of the started articles and mashed them together. Think of taking the coach across Ireland. An eight-hour journey through the most amazing landscape, until a drunk Irish decides to projectile vomit at hour 4 and leaves the bus at the next stop. True story.
Procrastinating has been more than a hobby, it is truly a lifestyle. And I can tell you that confidently, as I am bullshitting myself through these words and making you lose your time. And for that I am sorry. But if I am not having fun, neither are you. It is also a massive issue as I have to go through an immense amount of pain and tricks to get anything done.
I am trying to gather my thoughts into something seemingly coherent, I realise there is only one thing I want to talk about right now and I have already written three (five if you look closely and read between the lines) articles about it. Damn infrastructure why am I so into you right now? Hyperfixation that’s why.
I have a tendency to get pulled into random topics or hobbies with no notice. I have not once in my life expressed any interest in the comparative railway network of Europe or the intricacies of the housing crisis, but here I am. I must admit, it is the first time I have actually noticed hyperfixating, but I see a pattern emerging. What I took for curiosity and a capacity to be interested in everything could be something else.
Or is it? Because I rarely find myself in that state of flow, with hours passing by like seconds, focusing deeply on one thing and feeling the world around me disappear. I mean, I would if I could but I can’t so I don’t? What I mean by that is that I would get myself put into a specific interest for hours and lose track of time but I avoid doing it altogether because I know that I have responsibilities (a job for example) I can’t skip. So instead of getting swallowed in hours of research or sewing or writing, I procrastinate and do nothing in fear of getting pulled too far away.