What Took You So Long by June Valentine Ruppe
For someone putting everything for tomorrow, I am ironically impatient. I have no sense of waiting whatsoever, nor the will to do so. I need everything right now. I love sewing, writing and being the best (modesty is my nickname), all things that require a lot of patience and work, but I have none. I dream of waking up one day and finally having the type of motivation only found in high-achieving people, you know the motivation to sit down and do the work until it’s done (properly). Instead, I am a huge fan of the vite-fait bien-fait (lickety-split as you’d say). Often rushed, sloppy and messy, I go through life with the belief that it is good enough since I don’t care enough.
I am well aware that this clashes greatly with my perfectionist side, but since nothing is good enough, I may as well get through it as fast as I can. The number of seams I had to unstitch because I went flat out on my sewing machine’s pedal, IKEA furniture I assembled upside down, and meals ruined in an attempt to speed things up (spoiler alert: higher temperature does not cook faster). As a writer, let’s say, I am frustrated with not being the new viral thing and not hitting big on my 1st ever try. When I complained to J, he looked at me in disarray: what was I expecting, it’s only the beginning and I published ONE article. So, what was I expecting? A fucking miracle, to be honest.
Impatience is the great killer of dreams, the nemesis of perseverance and the saint patron of shortcuts (a.k.a. the easy way). How to balance my need for immediate results with patience and persistence, two essential elements to success? Of course, remaining realistic in terms of short-term goals is a start, not quitting at the 1st obstacle and using my talent for creative solutions instead, throwing myself some flowers when I do reach a step rather than focusing on the top of the stairs (not a mountain, I’m from the flat country).
In my quest for a meaningful and successful life, I have read countless articles and books to find answers, from the marshmallow test to serendipity and the art of failing (with Elizabeth Day on Spotify). I have learned plenty, but I apply all those tips to my day-to-day life rather poorly, let alone changing a mindset well integrated into a society rewarding immediacy and overnight success.
To be fully honest, I am not sure I believe I can re-condition my brain as he is quite cunning, cleverly avoiding my schemes and attempt at CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, a way to manage problems by changing the way we think and behave). I am left with my ultimate, jack of all trades, solution: procrastination. How about I just enjoy the journey, enjoy the anonymity to try new things and make mistakes, success can always be done tomorrow. After all, I can write whatever I want and how I want it. No fear that an editor will tweak my words, or a publisher reject my future novel, I can only focus on the freedom and luxe to enjoy what I type right now. The future can wait, I have it all.
Goal
Failing at each of my life goals,
I read an article about anti-goals
And realise
I failed at those too.
It must require some talent
To fail at what you want and don’t want.
I’m an artist.