thank you to all the new subscribers, it warms my cold-stone heart <3
this is part 3 of my essays on masculinity, the other episodes are available here.
3. Manosphere of influence
Beyond the eyebrow-raising title (the first option was daddy issues so…) hides a key aspect of the so-called masculinity crisis: outside of the myriad of misogyny influencers, where are the positive role models?
The tradwives lifestyle is having a moment and it is no coincidence, it is the fruit of a shit economy, the monetisation of misogyny via influencers, and the masculinity crisis. It is always easy to look backwards when things are not working, maybe feminism was a mistake, maybe women should have stayed in the kitchen and if the divorce rate is so high it’s probably their fault as well. After all, women initiate divorce in about 70% of the cases. It would be so easy: women stay at home and men can go back to being the patriarch/protector/provider and it would solve it all. LIES.
The right love this approach because it promotes their vision of the family while exempting them from taking any responsibility, putting it all on the individual. Easy example: affordable childcare? Solved, and if you can’t afford a one-income household that’s on you. It’s a lazy vision relying on old clichés and a masculinity of dominance.1 This traditional approach is based on a monolithic and antiquated version of manhood, it is incredibly gendered and only works for a privileged minority, while harming everyone else.
The misogyny influencers love this vision because it plays into their sexist game and feeds their army of incels, or boys too young to know better what they want to hear - and the more followers, the more money they make. It is so easy to tell boys to man up, go to the gym, find some girls to sleep with and treat them as if they were trash because that’s what they deserve. In their world, all that matters is looks and money, and once that vision clashes with the real world, it collapses into more hatred. Women still don’t want to date them (they may be rich and/or muscular but they’re still assholes).
Once men enter those spheres it is hard to get out and, as put by E.M. Ricchini in The incel question:
”For a group of people who, by name, aren’t fucking, they’ve been busy replicating and perpetuating their species. Not by sex and birth, but ideologically—they hold captive this excess energy and promise to give it a proper outlet. It is a traditionally masculine impulse and ideal to impart wisdom onto the younger generations. In lieu of sons of their own, incels recruit similarly disenchanted young men to their cause like fanatical cult leaders.”
With the rampant isolation of boys and men, the internet acts as an echo chamber. Algorithms will only feed you what you want to hear, so even if you didn’t eat any of the discourse, a small door like Jordan Petersen opens to more extreme content (Andrew Tate and worse), and suddenly everyone around them thinks and speaks the same hateful language. And obviously, it does not stay online: attacks against women are on the rise, just in the last few weeks they got punched in New York and stabbed to death in Australia.
The positive role models exist. There are good guys out there, fighting the good fight and promoting different types of masculinities for future generations. If you pay attention to who women are attracted to, they are far from the models promoted by the manosphere (Pedro Pascal, thank you). Having those positive role models is essential for boys, the same way it is important for girls, to imagine themselves in a future of possibilities. It will make better men, friends, partners, fathers.
It is down to every man to be the role model they wish they had. To be better fathers, the type that cares and knows his child's birthday, doctor’s appointment, favourite colour and the type of dad they will turn to in hardship. To engage in careers in education, for example, and be the role model some kids don’t have at home or just someone who cares and is there for them. The type of men who show up for his friends and partners. The men who will make better policies instead of playing into populism and hate speech.
But I’m not a man so they should probably make their own list and find their own way. Only enough of the toxic masculinity, women are not going back neither should men.
/extra notes/
disparity between the discourse and the gender roles at home where mothers are still the main caregivers and housemakers. fathers need to step up and have a more hands-on approach with chores and children.
there is a real concern with men focusing on their looks, risking their health with diet, exercises and sometimes surgical procedures. not only it all cost a lot and the result may disappoint, but it is also dangerous.
we need more men in HEAL. my primary school teacher was a man and it’s hard to ignore the influence that had on me 20 years on.
the diversity on screen is still so far off, especially for men of colour. men are too often expendable heroes and absent or bad fathers, or the deeper meaning is totally lost and Patrick Bateman becomes an icon
overall fathers should lead the example at home and take a step forward as carers.
i know it’s risky to give a gold star to a celebrity, but Sam Carter -lead singer of the metalcore band architects - is one of those men being a role model and taking a stance: Architects’ Sam Carter Tells Groping Crowd Member: F*ck Off, And Don’t Come Back
Sources
, 25 September 2022How positive male role models are detoxifying the social media ‘manosphere’, Alex Kern for the Guardian, 02 March 2024
How Democrats can win over more
Soft jocks take the field, Samantha Leach for Bustle, 06 February 2024
From bone smashing to chin extensions: how ‘looksmaxxing’ is reshaping young men’s faces, Simon Usborne for the Guardian, 15 February 2024
Social media algorithms ‘amplifying misogynistic content’, Sally Weale for the Guardian, 06 February 2024
Misogyny influencers are radicalising boys and young men online, and yet solutions are invisible in the discourse, Gina Martin for Glamour, 17 January 2023
Mascuzynity: How a nicotine pouch explains the new ethos of young conservative men, Anna North for Vox, 23 February 2024
Labour to help schools develop male influencers to combat Tate misogyny, Eleni Courea and Sally Weale for the Guardian, 26 February 2024
Would we all be happier as tradwives?
, 20 March 2024All the rage, Darcy Lockman, published by Harper 13 June 2019
It is a lazy vision politically. As a feminist, if you want to live traditionally that is your absolute right and I will fight for better policies for you.